


Take Me To Paris

by supercanaries



Category: Glee
Genre: Light Angst, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, missunderstanding, semi public sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-19
Updated: 2014-05-19
Packaged: 2018-01-25 17:50:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1657127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/supercanaries/pseuds/supercanaries
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes, there are things you really don’t pay too much attention to until you crash against the wall of the consequences. This is what happens to Kurt Hummel during summer. Sebastian and he are already planning on a vacation together, since work is finally allowing them to enjoy their time together has boyfriends. When Sebastian comes up to him with a strange bitter smile on his face and the phone still in his hands, Kurt doesn’t pay too much attention to it. He just hears his boyfriend say they’re going to have a holiday in Paris and who could blame him for being too distracted to notice that Sebastian’s enthusiasm is completely fake?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Take Me To Paris

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this fic for a prompt on GKM and I started it so long ago, as always it took me forever to finish it. But it's here! I hope it's not bad because I couldn't get a beta reader, so I had to do some of it myself and you know English is not my native language. It was meant to be smutty but it turned into more - like it does all the time.  
> Title is from "Paris" by Lana Del Rey :3!

Sometimes, there are things you really don’t pay too much attention to until you crash against the wall of the consequences. This is what happens to Kurt Hummel during summer. Sebastian and he are already planning on a vacation together, since work is finally allowing them to enjoy their time together has boyfriends. When Sebastian comes up to him with a strange bitter smile on his face and the phone still in his hands, Kurt doesn’t pay too much attention to it. He just hears his boyfriend say they’re going to have a holiday in Paris and who could blame him for being too distracted to notice that Sebastian’s enthusiasm is completely fake? 

He just heard he is going to be in the city of love with his boyfriend, who he loves so much he thinks the word Love could never be enough to describe what they have.

He doesn’t pay too much attention to it until the excitement should be replaced with calm happiness. But it doesn’t. When it turns to anxiety instead and Kurt isn’t too distracted from the idea of the voyage itself anymore … that’s when he starts to notice.

***

His body is softly hopping in his sleep, eyelids pressed together lazily and head leant on the window. He’s humming a little in his sleep, he can hear himself over the sound of the engine, but can’t open his eyes either way. It’s been a long night, flying all over the world to get here, and the only thing Sebastian needs now is some rest. He knows he has brought Kurt here because it was sort of his dream, but he really needs to sleep some more before his boyfriend starts pulling him around the streets of Paris. 

“Bas!” He can hear Kurt calling but he groans in displeasure as he yawns with his eyes still pressed together. “C’mon Bas, we’ve arrived. We’ve got to take our bags and get to the hotel, baby …”

Sebastian winces in his sleep, trying to be reasonable with himself: he needs to stand up for a few minutes more, until they reach for the hotel and then he’s going to get some rest. Even though Kurt is acting hyperactively – and Sebastian secretly finds his enthusiasm adorable -, Sebastian knows that he needs some sleep too. He’s not going to let Kurt ruin his precious gorgeous face with eye-bags, not after Kurt has spent weeks telling him how much his skin should look perfect in the photos they are going to take in Paris.

“Baaaas!” Kurt is still calling him impatiently, pulling his arm and making Sebastian scowl and moan against his seat on the bus. “I swear that if you don’t wake up right now, we’re not having sex for two weeks.”

That immediately gets Sebastian’s attention.

He opens his eyes and stares at his boyfriend’s face, handsome and close to his. Kurt’s blue eyes are staring at him suspiciously as if Kurt’s thinking that Sebastian is doing this on purpose, just to ruin his first trip to Paris. Sebastian hates it that Kurt still thinks stuff like that after two years of serious relationship – not to mention the months they’ve spent unconsciously flirting - but he also knows that it’s part of their game. 

“You wouldn’t resist me for two weeks.” He teases, his voice sounding hoarse and low from sleep, his giggle sounding sexy and raw, making Kurt flush a little along his cheekbones. 

“I wouldn’t.” He confirms, smiling and shrugging. “But I can always try. Also, I’ve found your dirty bag with sex toys. I could rip it off the hotel room just because you planned this as a sex-holiday even if you knew this is the city of my romantic dreams.”

Sebastian opens his eyes, finally, and looks at him concerned. Kurt just giggles lightly, pulling his arm again.

“Now that I’ve got you attention,” He adds, pointing at the exit of the bus, “let’s go. Paris is waiting for us!” He announces happily as he jumps on the seat, looking dreamy as never.

“Our bed is waiting for us.” Sebastian corrects and winces, but it’s quite hard to keep the banter on when his heart is filled with some new indescribable feelings at the sight of his happy adorable boyfriend.

He’s mainly not used at the idea of a boyfriend itself. Then, Kurt … He has found out a lot of things about Kurt during the last few years, after they met again in New York and well, Kurt is something Sebastian wasn’t actually prepared for. It’s like the kind of person you’ve always needed, but you never knew you needed. He smiles a little at the thought and finally starts to settle off the seat.

“I’m not planning on spending our Paris weeks in our bed, Sebastian.” Kurt says, lifting his chin in challenge. “We’ve got a bed in New York too, you know. There was no need to come to Paris for that.”

Sebastian smirks lightly and leans over the seat to press a soft on Kurt’s lips.

He closes his eyes as he slowly enjoys Kurt’s closed mouth, pulling back a few seconds later when Kurt asks for more contact. Kurt loves kissing him, Sebastian knows that too well. He stays there, a few inches from his boyfriend’s lips only to whisper: “But I know you’d prefer a French bed to our NY’s.”

Kurt simply smirks at that and then they’re both moving.

There’s something enjoyable and fantastic in the way they never seem to bother too much about what they say. The fact that they had started with the wrong foot at the Lima Bean that day in November as helped them living through sarcastic lines and jokes. It’s like they never take anything too seriously when they speak and Sebastian loves it because it doesn’t allow him to feel the weight of such a serious relationship. Everything is lighter, and if it weren’t, if it was just a serious love story, Sebastian would have probably run a lot of time ago.

They pull off of the bus, walking silently along the sidewalk to reach for the open metallic box that hosts the bags. 

Considering the way Kurt’s walking, stumbling and staggering, Sebastian knows he needs some sleep too. Actually, he finds it cute that Kurt has tried to look wide awake only because he wants to be carried around Paris. 

“Woah, babe, wait.” He suddenly bends as he watches Kurt trying to grab on bag.

As soon as he stretches his hand to help though, Kurt freezes him with one bitch gaze and smirks when Sebastian stops.

“I know you give me a lot of your princess crap, Bas,” He says, shrugging and lifting his own big bag easily, “but I’m strong enough to carry my own trolley.”

Sebastian laughs and shakes his head, staring at the floor for a few seconds and then looking back into Kurt’s stunning eyes.

“Okay, princess. Sorry if I was just trying to be kind.” He murmurs as he watches Kurt nod to Sebastian’s own bag and then starting to walk across the sideway, this time with his light blue trolley.

“Be kind and hurry, I can’t wait to see our room!” He tells Sebastian enthusiastically and Sebastian just smirks and grabs his bag.

He loves how Kurt takes no crap from him even now, when they’re together. He actually loves that Kurt takes no crap from anybody. He wants to stand for himself so hard that he looks unconsciously lovable. Or it’s probably just that Sebastian finds him lovable with everything Kurt does.

When they start walking around the town, Kurt is charmed.

Everything he sees just looks perfect, every little café shop and every boutique. Even the sky looks a little bluer and everything he feels into his chest is a warm sensation of happiness building up so densely and fast that he just wants to turn and hug and kiss his boyfriend.

“You’re almost jumping, Kurt, relax.” Sebastian says, beside him, carrying his trolley.

He’s happy that Kurt isn’t looking at him or paying attention to his words because, actually, he doesn’t want him to relax. Kurt seems so naturally and innocently happy that it makes Sebastian almost squeak for adorableness. He looks like he’s just seen all the most beautiful things in the world together and that’s good because it’s exactly what Sebastian had planned when he decided to give him his surprise ticket. More or less …

“This is so beautiful,” Kurt murmurs with his jaw tightly held together, like he’s afraid he might lose it for all the times he drops it in surprise, “Oh my God, look at that!” 

Sebastian turns to where Kurt is pointing, his finger clearly shaking with enthusiasm.

When his eyes meet the spot, he can’t help but smirk because Kurt is just pointing at a small café, and well, Sebastian has seen hundreds of those when he lived in Paris, so this isn’t big news to him. 

“That’s just a tiny shop, Kurt-”

“But it’s so cute!” Kurt almost heart-eyes the place and Sebastian laughs again, leaning his hand to pull at the sleeve over Kurt’s wrist.

It’s just so cool to him.

Every single thing Kurt sees just smells and looks like France and Europe and so out of the world that he can’t find a way to control his enthusiasm.

“I know, babe. I promise I’ll take you and show you around, just … let me get some sleep before we go out, okay?” 

Kurt turns to him with that disgustingly adorable pout the bitch always uses because he knows how much it works on him. 

“You slept the entire voyage, Bas.” He complains, his voice suspiciously sounding like a baby. “And you can sleep tonight-”

“Oh don’t count on that.” Sebastian winks and he’s still pulling at Kurt’s shirt. “Sleeping while traveling is tiring and we’re in France now, so it’s vo-ya-ge,” he pronounces in French, “not voyage.”

“So Hermione of you.” Kurt mocks him, but his voice is back to normal eventually, so Sebastian guesses he had a point. “Okay, but I’ll just give you three hours of sleep and then we’ll go out and see the city.”

“Deal.” Sebastian says immediately, though he knows he can always convince Kurt to stay some more in bed. Cuddles are a pretty good way to corrupt him easily.

He lets his hand slide until his palm his pressed against Kurt’s instead of pulling at his sleeve, and then they’re finally walking to the hotel. As they walk, Kurt keeps on pointing at ordinary things like they’re the most amazing things ever, and Sebastian giggles everytime, willing to take him out to all these stupid cafés and restaurants after he got some sleep, as long as it makes Kurt happy.

That’s all Sebastian ever wanted, to make him happy.

They enter the hotel a few minutes later – obviously, Kurt spends some time commenting on how good the building looks and how French hotels are just better than American ones (though Sebastian tries not to interrupt the moment with asking him how does he know, since he hasn’t even walked in yet, because he knows it would start an epic challenge and he’s too tired for that) – and go through all the check ins silently.

When Kurt can’t keep from yawning anymore, even though he tries to keep it, Sebastian smirks triumphantly. 

“I’m not the only one who needs some sleep apparently.” He mocks, carrying the trolley through the hallway to get to their room – the keys are safe into Kurt’s hands. 

“I’m just fine.” Kurt lies, but then he’s yawning again, and Sebastian laughs, walking behind him. “I’m not coming to sleep with you-”

“Uh huh.” Sebastian winks when Kurt turns to look at him over his shoulder. “Sure thing, Kurt.” 

Kurt rolls his eyes but he is apparently giving up on the idea.

He would love to walk around the city and just enjoy it with his boyfriend, but at the same time, he is feeling as tired as Sebastian is, so maybe some rest won’t hurt. They’ve got so many days to wander and explore, and to go and visit Sebastian’s mom (whom Kurt just adores and misses so much).

He flicks the keys into the lock, leaving his trolley for a moment and then opening the door. When he moves his hand back to grab the bag, even though he is looking into the room already, Sebastian already took it and he is now walking inside with both of the trolleys. For a brief moment, Kurt rolls his eyes, because he knows what this means. Sebastian is just hurrying because he wants to go to bed.

Eventually though, he closes the door behind his back and walks inside the room.

It’s awesome for what he can see (of course, like there was any change that Sebastian would keep it down and choose a normal suit instead of a royal one; he is such a spoiled brat when it comes to travelling – which is adorable if Kurt thinks that Sebastian has planned this holiday for him, because he had already been to Paris like dozens of times).

The walls are bright in light colors, there’s an unbelievably expensive chandelier hanging in the middle, luckily aside from the bed. If it were over it, Kurt would have spent his nights in France being afraid that it might fall on them and kill them. Well, at least he would have died in the city of love with the love of his life.

Who is already jumping on the bed to try the mattress, looking like a baby. The trolleys are on the floor and Kurt couldn’t keep the laugh that comes out when Sebastian pouts even if he would.

“What’s wrong, baby?” He asks, still giggling and Sebastian cocks his head, still pouting even though his eyes say clearly Fuck you, stop making fun of me.

“I asked for petals over the bed and champagne under the pillow, but I guess they forgot.” He complains and Kurt just looks at the bed.

It’s perfect, it’s big, and it looks comfortable. Mostly, it looks tempting after so many hours of flight and bus and everything.

“How come you wanted us to drink champagne?” Kurt asks and arches his eyebrows. “It’s too soon to drink, Bas.”

“Wanted to get you drunk in bed.” Sebastian confesses and the pout on his face really makes it impossible for Kurt to scold him. The only thing he manages to do is giggling and feeling a warm sensation of love running through his system.

“Poor baby, you get me sober.” He jokes and when he steps close enough to the bed for Sebastian to grab him, his wrists get wrapped into his boyfriend’s fingers and then he’s down on the mattress, laughing careless and unable to worry about wrinkling his clothes as long as they are into their hotel room.

“Poor me …” Sebastian whispers back into his ear, when he manages to speak again, even though he is still giggling. 

There is a sense of lightness into his chest, the simple and pure feeling of just being in love with his boyfriend and making him happy with his trip. Sebastian has hardly prouder of himself about something. His personal success in endearing and amazing, but whenever it comes to Kurt, every single smile Sebastian manages to bring on his face is something to be proud of.

Even now, when they’re slowly moving from fighting between the sheets to cuddling lovely, all that Sebastian can think is that he still can’t understand what he did to deserve Kurt. He is so special and although Sebastian loves him so much, the most shocking thing to him is that Kurt loves him right back.

When they met again in New York years ago, they just teased each other and even when Sebastian started feeling something for Kurt already and his insults were becoming fond instead of mean, he’d never thought Kurt would feel the same for him too. So even though he tries to keep the banter on between them, there are times– just like this very moment, when he’s starting to hold Kurt tight into his arms in their hotel room in Paris – when Sebastian needs to breathe in Kurt’s scent to know that he is real, that this isn’t just a dream.

When it happened the first times, he thought Kurt was going to mock him for how sweet and puppy-like he turned (also, Sebastian had practically become a cuddle-whore since they’ve been dating, so that totally gave Kurt blackmail material), but even now, all that Kurt does is leaning into the touch, pressing his own body against Sebastian’s and enjoying how warm, safe and perfect he feels.

When he presses the tip of nose into the crook of his neck, he is already closing his eyes to enjoy the hold of Sebastian’s arms wrapped around him. All the times Sebastian acts like the perfect jerks Kurt fell in love with are so well paid-back by this; by the way he can’t stay far from Kurt, no matter how hard he tries – and he did try in the past, before he gave up and just loved him. This is completely enough for Kurt to feel home, even though they’re miles away both from Ohio and New York.

He won’t tell this to Sebastian (mainly because he wants his boyfriend to see how glad and grateful he feels for this surprise trip), but Paris is nothing compared to his arms. 

His arms feel like the most beautiful place in the world.

***

They spent so much time cuddling that Kurt actually doesn’t know how long it took him to fall asleep. Yet he did, so Sebastian won over this again. There is this thing he always does - pouting and cuddling Kurt - to which Kurt just can’t say no. He didn’t want to sleep. He wanted to spend the afternoon to stare at the city outside - since he’s noticed the balcony of the room. But Sebastian was holding him, warm, good-smelling and adorable, just like he always is when it comes to cuddling, and Kurt couldn’t say no.

So, he is still firmly wrapped in his boyfriend’s hold when he opens his eyes.

The sun must be almost down now, because the room is filled with a lovely golden glow and the curtains are barely whishing because of the wind now. His cheek is pressed on Sebastian’s forehead and when he pulls back to look at him, Sebastian is practically drooling over his t-shirt. Kurt would slap him if he weren’t so adorable, with his lips parted and his cheeks flushed as he sleeps calmly. 

He takes a few moments to just admire him.

Sebastian has always been stunning, even when Kurt hated him so much he just wanted to break a shovel onto his head. And now, the fact that he gets this, that he gets this man to be his and to do such a romantic gesture like taking him to Paris is making his heart hammer in his chest so fast that it’s almost unpleasant. He could mouth over every single freckle on Sebastian’s body until he has counted them all and even by then, he wouldn’t be tired of worshipping his body. 

Right now, when Sebastian can’t see him and mock him for that, Kurt allows himself to look at him with his eyes full of love before he steps out of bed a takes a long relaxing shower.

Sebastian is the one thing that - more than the city itself - makes this the most amazing time of his life.

***

When Kurt comes out of the shower and the bathroom, Sebastian isn’t in bed anymore. He isn’t actually anywhere inside the room, so it doesn’t take him long before he finds him outside, his arms leant on the railing of the balcony. Kurt is a little hesitating but he eventually follows him even though he is just wearing a bathrobe.

“Nice view?” He says, drops falling from his hair right onto his chest and the floor. “I thought you already knew too well what Paris looks like.”

Sebastian turns over his shoulder and grins at him. His eyes are awkwardly wet and this makes Kurt’s heart ache a little. He knows Sebastian keeps everything inside when something upsets him, so what if he is regretting having brought Kurt here? Is it possible? Well, maybe he wasn’t crying. Maybe it’s just that he is still sleepy. From what Kurt knows, he might have woken up for a moment ago.

“Well, I wasn’t in a hotel with my fiancé in the past.” Sebastian explains lightly with a smile on his face, turning until his back is pressed against the steel railing. “Hotels always have the most enchanting view; especially when your boyfriend happens to get the best room in town.” 

Kurt forces a smile at that, even though his heart is still filled with this new anxiety. If Sebastian is joking and smiling, does it automatically mean that everything is okay? Can he relax already and throw himself into his boyfriend’s arms?

“So, your house doesn’t have a nice view?” He asks awkwardly. 

All of a sudden, it’s turning into a conversation between two strangers. There is some tension now and Kurt can’t help but hold his breath because Sebastian is wincing like he’s noticed too. Well, Kurt really couldn’t help but make things worse, could he? And why is that, when everything looked so oh okay just a few hours ago? 

“Nah, you’ll see.” Sebastian shrugs though, “It’s not really a prince’s castle, sorry to disappoint you.”

Kurt takes a few steps towards him then, looking straight into his eyes when he is close enough to feel the heat coming from Sebastian’s body. He needs to say this to him now for some reason he can’t tell. That’s how it works. Everytime Sebastian acts weird, Kurt just needs him to know.

“You’ll never disappoint me.” He whispers sort of strictly and low right over Sebastian’s face, so that Sebastian can feel the reassurance directly coming out of his mouth and onto his lips.

Both their gazes intensify and Kurt feels like he’s almost consuming Sebastian and now the tension between them is just that physical incredible attraction that always existed and no one will ever change.

And that’s it.

Sebastian’s hand ends up on his back, his arm wrapping tightly and safely around Kurt’s side until he’s pulling him closer and their mouths are pressing together. Kurt’s chest is immediately forced against Sebastian’s and his mouth opens underneath his boyfriend’s with no need to ask. Sebastian’s tongue slips into his mouth urgently and this is how Kurt knows something’s wrong with Sebastian.

When he’s fine, Sebastian always waits for Kurt to give him some signal that what they’re doing is okay. When he isn’t fine, he would just kiss Kurt harshly to distract him from something.

So that’s why Kurt pulls back for a moment, his head tilted so that he can look into Sebastian’s eyes even if his mouth is still almost glued to his.

“I love you.” He whispers, low and seductive, but also affectionate.

Sebastian grins and his eyes are suddenly wet again, and now Kurt knows it wasn’t because of sleep.

“Je t’aime aussi.” Sebastian whispers back and Kurt’s heart is now heavy with fear, even though he’s trying to push the feeling away and just enjoy the way his boyfriend speaks French.

“You’re perfect.” He says and knows it sounds so little like them that Sebastian will wince in a second if Kurt doesn’t distract him. So he does. He leans on his toes and presses him mouth against Sebastian who immediately wraps both of his arms around Kurt’s waist.

Kurt is almost purring by now, pressing against his body and feeling the uncomfortable tickling of tears at the corners of his eyes. He doesn’t know what is making him feel like crying, but he knows it has to do with Sebastian. For months now Kurt has thought that they were something too good to be real and now he feels like Sebastian is probably going to tell him they never were. He trusts Sebastian, but he also knows that sometimes he hides feelings, shuts him out because he feels vulnerable. So what if he’s hiding something now too?

From the way he is hugging and kissing Kurt now, lovely and passionate, without any hesitation, Kurt supposes he is not. But his eyes are wet … maybe there’s something else bothering him, something that has nothing to do with them, and Sebastian just doesn’t want to talk about it. And yet he looked calm and relaxed before they entered the room and fell asleep. 

“Hmmm …” Comes out of Sebastian’s lips though and his hands tighten around Kurt’s hips for a moment before he pulls back.

He leans to press his forehead onto Kurt’s and smile at him. When he does, Sebastian is the most perfect thing in the world to Kurt, so it makes his heart melt and part of his worries slide away.

“This is perfect.” He murmurs allusively, and the dirty hoarse tone in his voice brings a little of the usual Sebastian back, which is relieving (also, Sebastian didn’t insist on why Kurt said such a sweet thing, something so out of their schemes; it’s a little weird but maybe Sebastian is just tired, he didn’t sleep enough).

“What are we doing?” He asks and stares as a drop falls from his wet hair right between their faces. “The sun is going down and the city … well, I guess it’s magnificent in the night.”

“It is.” Sebastian murmurs on his lips, his mouth arching in a fonder and softer smile. “How about we have dinner at some expensive place that will make you fall even more in love with me?” He asks and Kurt hates the way it sounds desperate. 

Why would Sebastian need to make him fall more in love with him? Kurt is already too full of love for him, there’s no way his heart could handle more than this. His worries are suddenly back again, so he tries to weaken Sebastian’s doubts subtly.

“How silly of you to think that I could love you move than I already do.” He jokes and moves the tip of his nose against Sebastian’s until they’re both bumping adorably.

“I know, sometimes I just forget how perfect I am.” Sebastian jokes and it makes Kurt feel lighter again. God, this swing of feelings is going to drive him crazy before he can even understand what this is about. “It must be the stress from work. I could really need to relax before I start thinking I’m not as awesome has I am, right?”

“Oh you would never come down to such a thing.” Kurt jokes, trying to make it sound light. It must work because they’re both laughing now. 

Somehow, he also finds it weird that Sebastian didn’t try to take advantage of the fact that he is wearing his bathrobe only. This doesn’t sound like something Sebastian might do, especially because they really had a few chances to be intimate in bed during the last week of work before holidays and all the times they were, it was actually fast and messy. He tries to ignore it though, maybe he’s just reading too much into things. Sometimes being too picky is bad.

Only this time Kurt isn’t wrong and he’ll find out soon.

***

Dinner is amazing.

Sebastian is really trying to impress him for something, he must be. Kurt is sure he’s never eaten at such a regal place as the restaurant Sebastian took him to, and even though Sebastian’s career as a lawyer would allow them to easily do this once a month, they always try to keep the money in their savings safety chest, so that (they never said it but they both know it) they can get married someday and live at ease; and guarantee a good life and education to their kids whenever they become parents. Kurt knows they will, he reads it in Sebastian’s eyes everytime he looks at Emily – Britt and San’s baby girl – that he wants to be a dad so bad. 

When dinner is over, Sebastian makes sure to tell the waiter to bring Kurt a slice of strawberries and cream cake and when Kurt shakes his head to the boy, Sebastian insists that it doesn’t matter what’s written on his weekly diet, he won’t accept it on this holiday. Eventually, Kurt just smiles and gives up.

They’re walking along the streets now.

The sky is dark and it looks incredibly more infinite in here. Warm lights have the streets shining in some mystic colors that make everything look like a fairytale land. It’s all so well split into gothic, medieval and modern buildings without creating too much contrast that Kurt’s eyes just stare around in wonder and for almost half an hour he doesn’t manage to say anything that is not “This is amazing”, “Oh my God” and “I love you so much”. 

The last one comes as a problem though.

Whenever Kurt would just show his enthusiasm for the city, Sebastian smiles brightly, staring at his face like Kurt is a tiny adorable kitten mewling at his owner. But then, when Kurt just says he loves him, Sebastian answers with something bitter and sad in his voice. It’s not fake though. Everytime Sebastian tells him he loves him back, Kurt feels his love right down his spine. So where is all this sadness coming from?

Wet eyes, smiles dropping, and silent walks. What’s going on with his man?

He doesn’t manage to ask anything though. They just walk a little longer and then they’re back to their hotel room, drinking champagne and cuddling on the balcony until the wind gets way too cold for a summer evening and they’re back inside. 

They joke like they always do, poke at each other, have their showers, and tease on another. 

Sex is the same as always too.

Sebastian pushes him onto the mattress, slowly pressing kisses all over Kurt’s face and neck, worshipping his skin like it’s the most precious thing existing. They get rid of each others’ clothes so fast that Kurt barely realizes that he’s naked until their hard cocks are sliding together perfectly, making him moan and plead for Bas to fuck him hard. When Sebastian is inside him, thrusting a little more desperately than usual, Kurt leans over, lifting his back from the mattress and whispering quiet I love you’s in his ear. Sebastian answers only after they’ve collapse, satisfied and tired, sweated and naked in bed, a whispered and desperate I love you too that Kurt has never heard before.

Before he falls asleep, Kurt is sure he feels a warm teardrop fall on his collarbone.

He forces himself to sleep, so maybe, in the morning, this little accident is going to seem like a nightmare. Whatever this thing is - no matter how terrifyingly it seems like the beginning of an end Kurt has never even slightly considered -, it can’t be happening. 

Not now.

Not when they’re in Paris and Kurt has never loved him more.

Not when Kurt has spent half of the night thinking about marrying Sebastian and having kids. 

When he does fall asleep, he is quite sure that the tear that runs along his own face is not a nightmare. It’s real and it belongs to him. It’s sharp and deadly. 

It’s as salty as an ending, not even a little similar to the sweet tears of happiness he let himself cry when Sebastian kissed him after the first I love you.

***

In the morning, Kurt feels totally wrecked.

When he wakes up at first, Sebastian’s body is beside his, half-pressed against him, but it’s heavier than every other day. Kurt feels rapt under it like he is trapped under a million lies. It’s not actually lies, of course, but not speaking is somehow like lying, right? Sebastian’s words of love are too true and honest to be lies, but there’s something he is not telling Kurt, and this time, it’s not like when he didn’t want to tell him about having poured whine on his favorite shirt. This time it seems something huge, so much that it makes Kurt uncomfortable in the bed he is sharing with the man he was planning on marrying just last night. 

He wants to talk about this thing he doesn’t know. Seriously. He wants to ask Sebastian what’s going on, but at the same time, there’s a part of him who is afraid that if he brings it up, then it’s going to be worse. Maybe if he just lets it there, hanging, everything is going to come back to his place before they even have a change to face it for real. Maybe these are all just illusions.

“Babe?” Sebastian’s low warm voice resounds inside Kurt’s ear, interrupting his thoughts and making him stiffen uncomfortably with guilt. 

“Hmm …” He rolls in his hold, positioning himself so that he can now stare perfectly at Sebastian’s half-shut eyes and sleepy smile. He is so beautiful, so handsome like this, Kurt doesn’t want to lose it. He doesn’t want to lose the chance to wake up with this man beside him every morning. “Good morning, Bas.” He forces a smile, pretends that everything is fine.

He doesn’t know if Sebastian believes it or just pretends he does. He leans over and kisses Kurt’s lips softly, smelling good and feeling warm as usual, like nothing’s changed.

But it’s changing.

Kurt is so afraid that the holiday of his dreams might turn into a nightmare, even now, even while his boyfriend is going down to press worshipping kisses along his jaw. Kurt’s heart is hammering painfully, like it’s just losing blood instead of pumping it into his veins. 

“Are we going to see mom today?” Sebastian smiles fondly. “I’ll show you around, I swear.”

Kurt doesn’t know why but this sounds weird too; the fact that Sebastian thinks Kurt would be disappointed if they just went to see his mom. Kurt loves his mom and Sebastian knows, so what is this about?

“Yeah, totally,” Kurt answers eventually, and with these thoughts in mind, he says, “I can’t wait to see her. I miss her so much.”

Sebastian looks just a little relieved – not completely though - and Kurt has no idea what he is supposed to think about it.

“I’m sure she misses you too.” He jokes, his voice sounds a little cracked. “She’s been asking about you since she called me. She was so silly to think I was going to come to Paris without you.”

“How come?” Kurt asks instinctively and Sebastian bites his lower lip nervously. Never been a good liar when it comes to them.

“I-I … hmm maybe she thought you were still working, I don’t know-” He tries to justify but Kurt cuts immediately, too smart to keep the thought.

“Why would you … I mean, I thought this was a surprise. It didn’t make any sense if you came here when I was still working,” He giggles, trying to make it sound playfully, but Sebastian doesn’t smile back and it makes Kurt’s heart throb painfully. “Bas …”

“Let’s go.” Sebastian stops him immediately before Kurt can ask more, and he pulls off of the hug abruptly, leaving him cold.

They take things quite slowly, choosing their clothes carefully because, being a fashion guru, Sebastian’s mom always tends to make fun of his son’s clothes. It doesn’t happen with Kurt, but since they’ve been dating, Sebastian makes sure Kurt chooses his outfit, and well, today Kurt really does a good job. He makes Sebastian wear dark jeans and a colorful t-shirt that makes Sebastian’s body look perfect. Kurt just sticks to shirt and tight pants. 

When they walk out of the hotel, most of the tension between them has washed off, and even though Kurt still feels a little heavy with the awareness that Sebastian is hiding something from him, he tries to let it go. He is sure that Sebastian is going to talk to him when he feels like it, right? There’s no chance they’re breaking-up or something? They love each other, they want a future together, why would they ever break up?

They take the bus to get to estate of Sebastian’s mom and joke all the time about being lovers in Paris and well, Sebastian knows a lot of stupid French jokes, so by the time they get there, Kurt is laughing lightly and he has finally forgotten his fears for a little. They walk along the large boulevard between the trees and Sebastian leans over to whisper Je t’aime and press a kiss on his temple. Kurt giggles and lets Sebastian wrap his arm around his shoulders, so that he can hold him closer. 

When they walk along the small land stripe leading to the main door of an enormous estate that Kurt had already seen on Facebook pictures before, no worries are filling Kurt’s heart. He is light and happy to just see his maman.

They knock on the door – Sebastian still holding him tightly – and they wait patiently. Not that there’s too much to wait though. The door gets opened just a few seconds later and Sebastian is pretty sure his mom was waiting for them behind it, because he is forced to step back from when he is holding Kurt to let his mom hug him tightly and fondly.

“Oh Kurt!” The woman starts mumbling while Kurt almost stiffens in surprise at the assault. “I’m so happy that you’re here, I haven’t seen you in months. I missed you so much!”

“Hello mom.” Sebastian says sarcastically, rolling his eyes but smiling fondly at the scene while Kurt just lets his mom shaking him around until she moves back to look in his eyes.

“Look at you!” She exclaims happily, with her eyes full of natural joy, “You keep on growing up and looking more handsome, when are you ever going to stop?”

Kurt chuckles a little hysterically as he tries not to cry. He missed her too, of course.

“Thanks, Marie,” He says, keeping his hands on her sides gently, “I missed you too, so, so much.”

“I guess my mom needs to be reminded that she has a son too.” Sebastian laughs behind them and Kurt turns his head a little to look at him over his shoulder.

“Oh Bas, don’t be like that.” He jokes, “I’d never thought you could be jealous about your mom.”

“He is,” Marie says while Sebastian winces a little, uncomfortably, “but that’s just because he loves me so much. Shhh, I’ve never told you that, Kurt. It’s a secret!”

They both laugh and Sebastian fidgets nervously with his fingers before he eventually decides this is too much.

“Okay, how about you show your precious and enormous house to Kurt?” He suggests and there’s a little something Kurt notices.

When he says that, Sebastian lifts his eyebrows to communicate something with his mom. It’s like Sebastian wants him to see the house, like it’s the most important thing ever. Or maybe it’s just a distraction from something.

He erases the last thought though: if Marie would have known something like Sebastian wanting to break up with him, she wouldn’t be so positive, right? All of her love for Kurt has always seemed pretty spontaneous like she wouldn’t do anything to hurt him. 

And again though, if Kurt doubts Sebastian of all people … no one seems to be a guarantee anymore.

Sebastian probably noticed that Kurt caught something because as soon as Kurt tries to look into his eyes, his gaze goes downward. It’s so Sebastian-ish to do that; so much that Kurt almost smiles at the view. 

Almost.

There’s something invading his chest painfully again and it doesn’t allow him to feel lighter or smile; but he doesn’t feel like screwing the day or making Sebastian’s mom suspicious – he’s not childish enough to bring this up in front of her, whatever this is – so he just nods and forces this infamous smile for her.

“I can’t wait to see the house.” He says and that it’s true, but he would rather talk to Sebastian about this. It’s getting more and more serious as minutes and hours go by.

Marie grabs his arm immediately and carries him inside, almost running along the big hallway.

During the next thirty minutes, Kurt barely explores three rooms, and that is not only because the house is enormous, but also because Marie stops continuously to point at random objects and tell him stories about her previous lover – no dirty details of course, maybe some innuendos, just like her son would say those. There’s been a moment when Kurt turned around and Sebastian wasn’t there anymore. Which is awkward, because Kurt thought he was following them. It makes him worry even more as he sighs and winces, but it’s not like he can show his worry to Sebastian’s mom, is it?

When Marie looks up at the clock and she realizes it’s lunch time, she puts her hand on her mouth in surprise like she’s totally sorry that she didn’t notice. She says something about Kurt having to eat more because he looks too handsome to be real and then starts tugging his arm again to carry him to the dining room. Kurt laughs a little at how funny she looks but the sound of his own laugh dangerously reminds him of what’s happening or not happening with Sebastian, so the happiness dies in his throat and he turns silent again, especially because his boyfriend is in the room.

He’s sitting on a couch, gorgeously crossing his legs and reading a book calmly. His face doesn’t seem too relaxed though. Indeed, now that he notices, it looks tired and a little sad. It makes him sad too. 

“Sebastian!” Marie scolds him for something Kurt isn’t sure of.

Sebastian lifts his gaze from the book immediately and looks at them in surprise. He smiles, but Kurt can see how weak that is too and he doesn’t want this to be real. What if all the dreams of love he made about Sebastian were just an illusion? Maybe Sebastian was just curious about having a serious relationship, so now that the game is over, he’s just going to get rid of Kurt. He could never do that, right? Sebastian loves him. He wouldn’t hurt him like that. Ever.

“What? I was just reading.” Sebastian complains and they exchange another knowing gaze. That makes Kurt’s stomach clasp uncomfortably, but he tries to hold the grimace and smiles at his boyfriend instead. 

If he shows him the best sides of their relationship, their happiness, there’s a chance that Sebastian might remember why they’re together and give up on whatever this thing is.

“It isn’t polite that you dedicate yourself to activities while our guest – you gorgeous boyfriend – is here.” She says and the way she pronounces the word gorgeous, like she wants to remind Sebastian that Kurt is handsome is awkward as much as the rest of this crazy day. “I’m sure you guys want to hang out by the pool as the crew makes lunch.” She turns to Kurt for a moment, with a bright smile. “I’ll make sure you eat French vegetables rolls, the ones you love so much.”

“Aw, thank you!” Kurt says, trying to hide his sudden grief to sound happy instead. “I love the rolls-”

“Yeah, he practically asks me to cook rolls every week,” Sebastian says, almost automatically, “but he always tells me yours are the best-” he cuts himself all of a sudden, like he didn’t mean to say it and it almost hurts that he did. He licks his lower lip nervously and the silence suddenly fills the room. Kurt knows that he is like this when he’s nervous.

Marie must have noticed too because she’s letting her gaze wander between them and opening her mouth like she’s trying to say something. Eventually, when Kurt thinks he’s going to start crying hysterically at all this mystery, she says, “Mine are always the best. Too bad I’m not cooking today …”

Even though she’s smiling at Kurt, there’s something in her voice that makes the statement sound weak and sad. Kurt doesn’t know what the sadness come from but he’s in for believing that everything, even the trip to Paris itself, has something to do with Sebastian’s behaviors. 

In the end they just wander around the garden, around the pool, chatting and talking about nothing in particular. There’s always some tension in the air that Kurt doesn’t understand, but he tries not to think about it. Even if he wants to face it today, he’s not going to do it when Sebastian’s mom is there. This is something they should discuss alone.

Therefore, he tries not to pay too much attention to the way Sebastian looks at him, like he’s losing Kurt inevitably and there’s nothing he can do to avoid it. 

He does not even pay attention to the way Marie hangs to Kurt’s arms like she wants to keep him grounded and doesn’t want him to fly away.

He tries not to pay attention to the way the house is silent even when they have lunch, the big living room filled with nothing but the sound of their cutlery and occasional questions by Marie about how it is going in New York.

He ignores all of this because he won’t face it now, but as hours go by he is at least getting sure that he wants to face it with Sebastian, that he wants to know where they’re heading to, because Kurt has planned future with Sebastian as his only direction by now and he wouldn’t be ready to reconsider that. 

***

They leave the place when the sun is almost down completely and they take a walk along the park instead of just going back to the hotel. Kurt wants to ask. There are so many things in his head, so many questions that need an answer and when if not now? They’re walking together, fingers intertwined like high school love birds and silence filling the space between them. Everything feels tensed, but it’s perfect for a talk. They’re alone but still in public, which is a guarantee, considering that when they have talks in private, they end up fighting because they’re very good at misunderstanding each other. 

He turns to Sebastian (who isn’t looking at him) as they walk, is about to open his mouth and ask when Sebastian points at something. 

Kurt instinctively follows the direction but can’t quite figure out what spot of the park he’s referring to until Sebastian starts to speak. He doesn’t stop walking along that route though as he does.

“I used to come here when I was a kid.” He whispers and Kurt is a little dazed at the little smile that forms on his face at the memories that this place must bring up.

“You used to come to a park?” Kurt teases a little, but Sebastian just nods towards the spot again. So he looks there once more.

“I sat under that tree,” Sebastian says and then tugs at Kurt’s hand until he’s practically dragging him to the place, “used to lie there even and just close my eyes and imagine my future.”

Kurt’s heart skips a beat. It’s probably because Sebastian is his future now but he’s starting to think Sebastian doesn’t know. They walk closely until they reach the big tree that is right beside a tiny brook. The noise of the water streaming is somehow pleasant when there’s no one around.

“There,” Sebastian points at the precise patch with his free hand, but he doesn’t look at Kurt, just stares at the place, “I sat there and thought ‘What am I going to do with my life’?”

“Was the plan going out and having sex with random guys the option even then?” Kurt asks, trying to make it sound like a joke and Sebastian leans his arm to him. He understands the gesture. “Do we really have to sit there? My pants aren’t cheap.”

He waits for Sebastian to tease him about that or whatever he wants to make fun of him for. But Sebastian doesn’t. He just looks at Kurt in such a serious way and Kurt thinks he might break from this gaze only. Whatever is on Sebastian’s mind, why can’t he speak it out loud already? He’s keeping Kurt hanging too dangerously over the edge and Kurt doesn’t want to go through this, doesn’t want to deal with this insecurity. 

On another occasion, Sebastian would at least have called him princess or made fun of how composed he is. But it’s not happening and adding this to Kurt’s already enormous preoccupations only makes him feel worse.

And yet, when Sebastian gives him puppy eyes, his arm still leant to gesture to the tree, all that Kurt can do is to just nod and move to slowly sit through the grass. It’s not as bad as he thought, but it’s even better when Sebastian wraps his arm around him and slides on the spot beside him, tugging him closer and making Kurt feel like crying already. His body is so warm and they have fallen too in love by now for Kurt not to miss it eventually. He wouldn’t accept spending his days without Sebastian, not when he thought and knew they were so happy together. All of a sudden it’s just so wrong and out of their schemes.

But still, all that he can do is to lean his head until his cheek is resting on Sebastian’s chest and breathe in his gorgeous scent. It’s just a few seconds before Sebastian starts stroking him and cuddling him, his back leant against the tree. Kurt doesn’t say a word, he’s too scared to speak; he’s afraid that anything might break them and he doesn’t want to take the risk.

So he lets Sebastian do the talk.

“You know, when I used to think about my future, I guess I’ve never … considered a guy like you to appear anywhere in the distance, like, at any point.” Sebastian utters a little dumbly, his hand coming up to stroke Kurt’s hair. Kurt stiffens up just a little, doesn’t know if he means it in a positive way or not. “You’re not really the kind of attractiveness I was into, even in high school.”

“Yeah, I figured that out.” Kurt tries to joke but it sounds a lot more insecure than he’d want it to.

Sebastian laughs quietly and for a moment there’s nothing but that: the sound of water and the wind blowing and Sebastian laughing. Kurt’s chest clenches tightly around his heart and his fingers curl up around his own thigh. 

“I was so stupid, I know.” Sebastian says though and Kurt feels like he can see a little light through all of this darkness. “Sometimes I think it was my subconscious. I … was always scared by you somehow.”

“What?” Kurt lifts his head from Sebastian’s chest and looks up to his face. 

Sebastian looks at him too, but Kurt feels like he was trying to hold him there so that he wouldn’t have to gaze at him while he is speaking. The hand pressuring on Kurt’s head to make him rest there again might prove it or not, Kurt isn’t sure.

“Yeah, you were such a better teaser than me and you knew how to shut me up, which was a novelty for me.” Kurt opens his mouth to ask, but Sebastian is already speaking again. “And everytime you did, I felt something. And I thought it was just about getting burned, hating the feeling of you humiliating me, even when we were alone.”

“I wasn’t …”

“Trying to humiliate me?” Sebastian laughs again, stroking Kurt’s shoulder in consolation when he doesn’t manage to make Kurt scoot in again. “I know you were, babe. It’s okay. It’s not like I didn’t have it coming. But I was afraid of that feeling, I kind of started running from you. But the more I ran, the more I missed your face, your voice, your everything.”

“We hated each other.” Kurt frowns. “You liked Blaine.”

“I did. But you know, as much as high school life is about liking, growing up is completely different.” Sebastian explains and Kurt feels just a little stab at his heart at how proud he is when Sebastian speaks so maturely. “I liked so many guys after graduation. I liked them sincerely, and some of them even as people, not only in bed. But you were always different.”

“How?” Kurt utters, still afraid, but also kind of intrigued to find out where this is going.

“In every way. You don’t take any crap from me and never let me win. Many guys just couldn’t stand my childish whimpers anymore and they eventually gave up, either on the fight or me.” There’s just a little of bitterness in the last words. “But you’ve never given up on me. You could … you know, walk away at any moment because I’m unbearable and I put you through so much everyday …”

“I love you.” Kurt says quickly and instinctively, like he’s afraid Sebastian might think something stupid like Kurt being better without him.

“I know you do.” Sebastian smiles though and Kurt wants to know so badly what that bitter look on his face means when they’re talking about love. “And I love you too. So, so much, Kurt. I,” he leaves the word hanging between them for a moment before he adds, “I always wonder what I would do without you. You straight the bitch out of me and make me a better person.”

“I highly doubt someone could straight anything out of you.” Kurt tries to tease, but it comes out heavy and anything but funny. And that’s probably because he’s scared, so scared. He doesn’t want any goodbye to come out of Sebastian’s mouth, not when he thought he was forever done with his goodbyes; that he had found that significant other in such an unexpected way.

Sebastian’s lips bend into a smile anyway, although it’s weak and it looks like Sebastian is exposing himself more than he would want to.

“I’m so yours, Kurt. I’ve been yours since so long I’m starting to forget how not to belong with you.” Sebastian whispers softly and Kurt’s heart skips a bit. 

“It’s okay.” Kurt murmurs, his voice broken and his eyes wetting even if he still has no idea where this is going. “I want … us to belong together.” It’s dumb, he knows it. It’s stupid to say it this way, but what can he do? He is so close to tell Sebastian that by now he couldn’t spend the rest of his life with someone else.

“Yeah, I want that too.” Sebastian says and he kisses Kurt’s forehead. Kurt stiffens in his hold but gets closer, more touchy and intimate and warm. And that’s when Sebastian whispers. “But you can’t always get what you want, you know.”

Kurt’s breathing gets complicated and he’s right about to cry. He tells himself not to, not when they are talking and he still hasn’t figured out what this is about. So he moves back from the hold and looks into Sebastian’s eyes, pretending he hasn’t even noticed Sebastian’s mood since they’ve left his mom’s place.

“What do you mean?” Kurt asks, broken but still hopeful.

For a moment, he can see that same hopeful glare in Sebastian’s eyes. It’s weak though and it looks like Sebastian has already resigned to something that Kurt doesn’t know. It seems like he wants to let out the words, but at the same time, he’s just as scared as Kurt is that it might break everything.

“I have to tell you something.” Sebastian’s voice is a little broken too and Kurt thinks that, at least, this means that Sebastian doesn’t love him any less than he did before. Kurt couldn’t stand the idea of it, the idea of not being loved anymore by the boy he loves the most.

He wants to tell “go ahead”, “do so”, or something, but he just manages to nod and swallow.

Even though he has already announced that he is going to speak, several minutes go by before Sebastian does. In fact, he stares at the ground, the thin herb brushing their thighs and his eyelids seeming suddenly heavy as if Sebastian would rather just go to sleep and forget about whatever is going on. Kurt hopes this will make it easier to convince him in case Sebastian thought they can’t be together anymore.

Eventually, he takes one long breath and murmurs in Kurt’s ear, hiding his face beside his cheek so that Kurt can’t look at him, “mom is sick.”

Kurt’s chest clenches even more than it had done before and for a moment he even forgets about all of his fears concerning their eventual (but hopefully not happening break-up). Marie is sick. Kurt doesn’t know what she has but suddenly everything makes sense. Sebastian’s sudden tickets to Paris, his sadness and every single thing. He can’t understand what it has to do with them but … Sebastian’s mom is sick and this is already making feel like crying again. 

“They said she’ll be okay hopefully, but … she needs me and help and …” Sebastian is murmuring and Kurt slowly processes their meal together, Marie looking a little more tired than usual, asking for help to her waiters – which is something she usually avoids as much as she can. “I think I’m going to … move here.”

The words make Kurt frown and he finally tilts his head back from Sebastian’s chest. Sebastian has been silently crying it appears.

“Okay, just … let’s go back to New York for a week, I need to pack and …” He stops when he sees that Sebastian isn’t positively responding in any way. He’s just looking at Kurt like he’s about to lose him and Kurt just wants to scream and cry and kiss him. “You do want me to come, don’t you?”

“Kurt--” Sebastian whispers softly, but Kurt is shaking and speaking before he can add anything to that.

“You do want me to come here with you, to look after your mom together, to … live together,” He spits out, his eyes now wet and ready to let the tears stream, “You do want me to stay with you.” It sounds like he’s trying to convince Sebastian but the truth is that the mere thought of Sebastian not wanting him here is already starting to make him feel claustrophobic in the hold of his arms. 

“Kurt,” Sebastian says again, looking like he’s trying to communicate more through his eyes. If Kurt wouldn’t be so lost in his pain, he’d notice, but he’s panicking and has no time to read into Sebastian like he usually does.

“I can’t believe this is happening.” He tries to scoot himself away from Sebastian’s hold but Sebastian’s arms are tight around his abdomen. “You’re breaking up with me,” his breath gets huffed and he’s basically punching to get out, “I can’t believe you’re breaking up with me now, this is crazy.” He’s basically panting as he speaks, but what can he do? His long term boyfriend is breaking up with him because he doesn’t want him to live in Paris with him.

“Kurt,” Sebastian insists but adds nothing and just keeps on holding Kurt.

“Let me go,” Kurt growls, dangerous and cold as he hits Sebastian’s arms until the hold loosens, “You don’t even want me to be with you.”

He knows it’s not true rationally, knows that if Sebastian didn’t want him, it wouldn’t make any sense for him to bring Kurt to Paris with him just to break up in the city of his dreams so that Kurt can hate him more. But right now, that’s how it feels and Kurt isn’t emotionally sober enough to realize that Sebastian is trying to soothe him down by stroking his arms – or at least the skin he can reach while Kurt moves away.

When Kurt manages to punch himself out of the cage of Sebastian’s arms and stand up, he doesn’t even look back before he’s running away, ignoring Sebastian’s voice still calling his name along the park. He doesn’t even notice how broken it sounds, too busy with running away from his own pain as if it wasn’t trapped in his body. He needs to go somewhere else, needs to do something not to act childishly and allow his pain to take over his reason. Wherever this is going, he doesn’t want to show his tears to the nth boy who’s breaking up with him.

So he runs away, cries and runs through the streets of Paris, hides in corners and sits on benches until the sky is painted in crimson light and he’s feeling even more and more lost while being in the big city all by himself. But maybe he should get used to being by himself, maybe it’s just what’s meant for him.

***

It’s past 10 pm when Kurt comes back to their hotel room.

For some reasons, he expects it to be empty, thinks he’ll be alone all night, left to cry by himself. Instead, when he doesn’t need any key to open the door, he startles a little at the sight of Sebastian sitting on the edge of the bed, head in his hands and his pants and shirt still on. His hair looks in a mess, but Kurt has barely time to wonder before Sebastian sobs and turns to him.

His eyes are red and wet, but Kurt is pretty sure he can only give the same sad show to Sebastian.

He closes the door behind his back slowly, not knowing why the sight and presence of Sebastian have already managed to calm him down, left him with silent pain instead of panic. He swallows and sighs to himself very deeply before he turns to Sebastian again, his hands still awkwardly touching the wood of the door.

Sebastian’s arms are now hanging from his thighs and he’s looking at Kurt with the same emptiness that Kurt probably has in his eyes.

“Hey,” Kurt says softly, suddenly feeling guilty.

He knows he hasn’t done anything wrong, knows it’s okay to be mad at Sebastian for not wanting him to move to Paris with him; but every single time they fight and Sebastian looks like this, Kurt feels like he shouldn’t be aggressive at least.

“Babe,” Sebastian whispers, that is broken too, sounds like Babe actually stands for Please, don’t you ever run from me again or Please, come here and hug me and a million things more.

Kurt steps more into the room then, walking to the bed, his face suddenly weak and tired from the tears and the frowning he’s been doing for hours now. He sits by Sebastian slowly, feeling empty at the idea that they’re probably about to let go. Hours have turned the pain of it into numbness and Kurt thinks he might save his tears for when he’ll be back to New York, alone.

“I shouldn’t have run away.” He sighs anyway, Sebastian never looking away from his eyes even though Kurt’s gaze wanders around awkwardly. “I should … have talked to you or something, reached out to you. I should have asked at least why this is happening. If I did something to change your love for me or--”

“What are you talking about?” Kurt’s gaze stops on Sebastian at the words and he frowns just like his boyfriend is doing. “I don’t love you any less that I loved you yesterday or two years ago. I always end up loving you more.”

Kurt’s mouth hangs open for a moment like he doesn’t understand. Sebastian notices because he laughs pathetically and sadly, turning around and staring at the floor.

“I don’t want you to come with me because I don’t want you to build your life around me.” Sebastian whispers to the floor, his cheeks blushing just a little like every single time he has to open up and expose his feelings instead of looking like a heartless jerk. “I don’t want you to … follow me around and I know that if I’m telling you to join me, you’d basically drop your fantastic job and New York life to take care of my mom.” He turns and looks straight to Kurt’s eyes. “This isn’t your burden and I don’t want you to carry it.”

Kurt suddenly feels like he’s breathing again.

Sebastian doesn’t love him any less, Sebastian hasn’t stopped thinking about them together, about their future together. He just thinks this is the right thing for Kurt. It makes Kurt’s eyes fill with tears and his lips tilt in a bitter smile at the same time.

“Listen to yourself, you dumbass.” He utters and Sebastian looks confused – like he can’t understand what’s wrong with what he’s just said. “I’ve spent two hours around this city to find our hotel because I was panicking and I didn’t remember a word in French because I thought … we lost it. I thought you lost that magic, I thought … your heart didn’t pitter-patter around me anymore.”

Sebastian laughs at the stupid way of saying it, but at the same time, a tear streams along his face and his voice trembles as he looks at Kurt’s face.

“I said I love you too. I said I’m yours.” Sebastian shrugs. “I just … I don’t want you to give up on your life because of me. You know if it were anyone else I’d probably give zero fucks, but it’s you …” His eyes look just a little bigger and brighter as he says it. “You’re such a good guy that you put up with me and all the shit I put through every day.”

“Oh my god,” Kurt rolls his eyes, forgetting just for a moment about his supposed delicacy, “Are you serious?”

“You’ve always told me about how New York was your high school dream,” Sebastian explains like he’s already giving up, “And you always sound so proud of you when you realize what you’ve accomplished; you do that little thing, swinging your head from side to side and looking like you’re not strutting about your career when you are actually.”

Kurt lifts his eyebrows, a little impressed at how much attention Sebastian seems to pay to what he does. It’s not like he had thought Sebastian didn’t notice things about him, but he’s never expressed Kurt’s behaviors in the details like this.

“You always sound like you’ve conquered the moon.” Sebastian admits, with another shrugs of his shoulders. “Now, how could I ever say that I love you if I took that away from you?”

For the following two minutes Kurt stays in complete silence. He feels the instinct of slapping Sebastian in the face and that’s why he doesn’t answer right away. He doesn’t want to slap Sebastian in the face because if he manages to shut the insistent voice in his head that tells him that his boyfriend doesn’t want him, Kurt can actually see that Sebastian is offering an act of love. Therefore, he looks down, breathes in and out as he tries to calm down and drain himself from any possible negative emotion.

When he’s gathered some tranquility, he looks up to Sebastian again. Sebastian looks scared, like he’s afraid to find out what might come out of Kurt’s mouth. So Kurt smiles to him. It’s fragile and fading, but it’s a beam nevertheless.

“You’re right.” He murmurs softly and when Sebastian looks like he’s about to cry again, Kurt moves in and takes his hand in his own. His thumb strokes along the back of Sebastian’s hand and though Sebastian is sobbing, it soothes him. Kurt can see it in the little jolt of his shoulders that signals a shiver perhaps. “I’m proud of myself and although Broadway is what I’ve always wanted the most, fashion feels like a magic home to me. It’s my safe world and no one does it better than me.”

“No one.” Sebastian confirms, sounding a little desperate. “Well, except for me.” He laughs bitterly and Kurt chokes on a laugh too.

“Of course, Bas. You’re the best at everything.” It sounds like he’s going along with Sebastian, but that’s what they do all the time, it’s just normality. “But I know you keep your fashion talent secret so that I can be the best in the world.”

Sebastian laughs again. “That I do.”

When Kurt notices that Sebastian seems more confident with himself and their jokes, he knows he has a chance to fix this. So he lets go of Sebastian’s hand and instead, he moves to cup his jaw and stroke his cheekbone with his thumb. Sebastian startles a little at the touch and his smile drops, as he looks concerned again.

“I also want you to know something else though.” Kurt murmurs while he looks into Sebastian’s eyes, as if he hopes the intense glare won’t allow him to doubt his words. “Do you have any idea of how many times you were part of this process? On so many nights, I would have lost my head and thrown my laptop out of the window if it wasn’t for you. You’re my anchor. Whenever I feel like it’s too much, you’re there, you relax me and make me happy, and you remind me that I’m fabulous and I don’t need to over-work to be the best out there.”

Sebastian presses a little more into the touch, almost purring like a cat, but he doesn’t reply, so Kurt continues.

“I’m accomplished now because I have you. You know how I am, I tend to do so much more than necessary.” Kurt explains, scooting closer. “I’m such an overachiever and if you weren’t there everyday, I’d probably end up consuming myself. You are part of the dream, Sebastian.”

My future with you is part of the dream, Kurt thinks, but he doesn’t add it. Sebastian’s lips tilt just softly into a smile but he’s shaking his head.

“I can’t do this to you.” He says again. “I can’t ask you.”

“What would you do if my dad was sick then?” Kurt prompts, lifting his eyebrows. Sebastian looks up to him with surprise. “What if I asked you to come back to Ohio with me?”

“That’s different.” Sebastian complains. “New York was never my dream.”

“Look, Sebastian.” Kurt’s hand leaves his face and comes to rest on his thigh. “I was in high school and New York is just a city. It was the city of my dreams because it represented my dreams. It was like the Mecca of all my idols and everything, but it’s a symbol of success.” Sebastian still looks doubtful. “Success also means being capable of maintaining your relationships with people no matter what. If you gave up on us now, if I gave up on us now … it would be a failure.”

Sebastian winces and Kurt can almost see his heart beating underneath the material of his shirt.

“Do you want to give up on us?” Kurt whispers the question, as if he’s not sure if he wants to know the answer, so he hopes Sebastian won’t hear it.

Sebastian though is looking at him like he is so conflicted, and if Kurt wasn’t so anxious, he’d probably know that it’s because Sebastian is always quite reluctant to go back on his steps, even though it’s obviously the right thing to do.

“No.” 

It comes out of Sebastian’s mouth after one long breath and he is gazing around the room instead of looking at Kurt. Kurt can see it that the confession cost Sebastian a lot, probably because he’s realizing Kurt’s words make sense. That’s what they do all the time. It’s just them being ordinarily them.

“And I don’t want to give up on you either.” Kurt says naturally, feeling calmer now that he’s sure that Sebastian doesn’t want to break up with him. It’s just circumstances. Sebastian looks at him again at the words, his green eyes seeming just a little bigger and shiny. “Why would you give up on something like what we have?”

“I told you.” Sebastian insists a little childishly. “You belong with New York.”

“I belong with you.” Kurt says easily, like it’s the most natural thing in the world. “Or do you actually think that I’m not good enough to make it in Paris?”

There’s a little sly tone in the way Kurt says, teasing and playful, but Sebastian is way too serious when he replies, “What? No! Of course not! That’s dumb.”

Kurt laughs and that’s when Sebastian realizes he was just joking. Kurt’s laugh breaks somewhere in the middle of it and he throws his arms around Sebastian, holding him tightly. Sebastian stiffens up for the slightest of moments and then he’s hugging Kurt back, sinking his face in the crook of Kurt’s neck and suddenly sobbing loudly.

“I’m so, so sorry, Kurt.” He murmurs directly on the skin of Kurt’s neck. “I love you so much and I didn’t want you to do give up on anything just because of me-”

Kurt tilts back just a little from Sebastian’s arms to look into his eyes. “So sweet of you,” He teases and nuzzles playfully at Sebastian’s cheek, “but I think I can make this choice by myself. You don’t have to make it for me before you even ask.”

Sebastian seems to realize and then he eventually rolls his eyes at himself. “But still, you are the one who chooses those so called clothes you put on every morning, so maybe I should take some decisions in your place.”

Kurt gives him a falsely strict look. “Who’s the most fashionable man in the world?”

Sebastian grins like an idiot (which is the kind of smile Kurt likes the most on his face). “You are, sir.” He whispers and then he scoots in to kiss Kurt softly on the mouth.

The touch is sweet and silent, and they both get lost in it for a long moment. Their mouths are just pressed together and everything is quiet now, which makes Kurt sigh in relief into the kiss. When he moves back just a little, Sebastian is smiling dumbly, like he always does when Kurt gives him good news. 

“I’m not going to ask you to come with me.” He says, but his face is soft and smiling and loving, and Kurt’s heart is aching just a little at the possibility of not seeing it again. That’s why he immediately erases the consideration. 

“You don’t need to.” 

That’s all Kurt says before he’s moving in again. This time, Sebastian’s hand moves up to cup behind his neck as he tugs him closer. Their mouths drop open the moment they meet and Kurt can’t help the little groan that comes out of his mouth when their tongues slide together. It’s a groan of happiness more than anything but it makes Sebastian stiffen a little like every single time. His body goes rigid for a brief moment and he breathes in through his nose, nuzzling at Kurt’s cheek, before he lets go and wraps his arms firmly around Kurt’s back.

The kiss is getting just a little deeper and then Sebastian suddenly moves back, still holding Kurt in his arms, and looks at him.

“Are you sure?” He utters, his chest inflating and deflating while his gaze wanders between Kurt’s eyes and his mouth. “I don’t want you to be unhappy with me.”

“Do you want me to be unhappy without you then?” Kurt says playfully, but Sebastian still looks concerned. “It’s okay, Bas. I’ve always loved France.”

“Your family is in Ohio.” Sebastian groans and rolls his eyes. “Why are you agreeing on this as if it doesn’t matter?”

“I’m sorry,” Kurt scoots back from the hug, just a little, but Sebastian’s arms hold his back firmly and don’t allow him to go too far anyway, “but where does your family live? Your mom is in Paris and yet you chose to live in New York with me.”

“But I’ve always lived far from Paris.” Sebastian insists and Kurt might be a little thankful for his concern. “You’ve never lived so far away from your family and your friends.”

“We can go home back for the holidays.” Kurt holds Sebastian’s hands in his own, stroking the back with his fingers in that little movement that always soothes his boyfriend. “Look, the idea of losing you just made me go through the worst afternoon in the last few years, I don’t want to feel like that and I don’t want to feel even worse just because you want to make choices in my place.”

“That’s not-” Sebastian complains, purring just a little when Kurt’s nails scratch his hands. Kurt totally knows how to have an effect on him. “That’s not what I wanted. I know you’re capable of making your own choices. But I … I guess asking you was too hard, so I made the choice for you because it didn’t scare me as much.”

Kurt frowns and moves his hand up to cup at Sebastian’s face. He brushes his cheek and Sebastian immediately presses his face into the touch.

“What do you mean?” He asks quietly and Sebastian gives him that little shrug he always gives when he wants to pretend it’s not that much of a thing.

“I thought that if I asked you and you eventually said no,” Sebastian starts, looking away and not quite meeting Kurt’s gaze, “it would have hurt so much more than if I made that decision for you. At least I wouldn’t know in case you didn’t want to come here with me.”

Kurt has to admit that it makes him melt, the thought of Sebastian still feeling so insecure that he doubts Kurt would give up on anything for him. Kurt thinks giving up on personal success for love is actually too platonic, but they’re both almost thirty and it should be the time of his life when he manages to balance success and affections to build something on them. 

Sebastian is still looking away, so Kurt gives a little tug to his face so that they’re staring into each other’s eyes again. Sebastian looks confused when he notices the little grin on his face.

“Sebastian.” He starts and Sebastian positions a little better on the bed, looking like he knows that when Kurt calls his name like this, something is coming. “I’m going to turn thirty this year. And I’m still committed to you. I honestly don’t think it’s going to change any time soon.”

“But Vogue.com-”

“Has offices in France too, you know.” Kurt shakes his head, like he can’t believe Sebastian didn’t think about it. “I know you pretend to know less than I do about fashion,” Sebastian laughs nervously, “But pretending not to know that Paris is a fashion capital is way too much, honey.”

“I’m so dumb,” Sebastian grins but quickly adds, “but that’s only because I want you to look smoother of course.”

“Of course.” Kurt goes along with it again, finally moving his hand away from Sebastian’s cheek. “And you’re not dumb, sometimes meerkats act before they think. Animal instinct.”

Sebastian moves in and slaps the back of Kurt’s head playfully with his free hand. “You’re not as funny as you think you are.”

“Stop laughing then.” Kurt prompts and Sebastian tries to hold on a steady face for a few seconds. But then he must think of meerkats talking about their future together or something because he burst out laughing and bends a little until his head is pressed against Kurt’s stomach.

Kurt scoots his hand so that he is stroking Sebastian’s hair instead and then he laughs too, because hey, meerkats in a serious relationship, discussing their future together is actually something to laugh over. He doesn’t know how much time they spend laughing, but Sebastian’s head still rests on him even when his shoulders have stopped shaking. 

“I’m sorry, Kurt.” He says after a few moments of silence. “I know I can be the biggest idiot sometimes.”

“I know, but I love you.” Kurt utters back easily, his hand never leaving Sebastian’s hair. “And I’m so willing to live here with you and maman.”

“Oh my god, no.” Sebastian growls in his crotch but he’s laughing. “We can’t live with her. We have to be at least a few blocks away from her so that we can go to sleep to our own place.”

“It wouldn’t be a problem for me, you know. I don’t mind having her around.” Kurt murmurs and now he’s stroking Sebastian’s hair softly and they’re conversating as if nothing happened. “She’s a lot nicer than you.”

Sebastian hits him with his arm but he’s still laughing. “I only pretend not to be nice.”

“Of course.” Kurt allows once more and then Sebastian is lifting up from the hold and looking into Kurt’s eyes. His arms come to circle Kurt’s waist easily and Kurt’s own wrap around Sebastian’s shoulders.

“I feel a lot like making you mine right now.” He says, a little hesitantly because it’s not the kind of things Sebastian would say normally. He’d probably be more like ‘I really want to fuck you right now’. “If you don’t mind?”

Kurt knows that Sebastian is asking because he wants them to be okay first, doesn’t want to skip to sex if their conversation isn’t over. But Kurt also knows that he’s the responsible one between them, so he’s the one who has to remind Sebastian their human prerogatives.

“I could never mind but I think we should go out and eat something first.” He wrinkles his nose and Sebastian nods like he’s just remembered about eating. “Then we can come here, have a shower together and you can spend the night making sweet love to me until we pass out. How about that?”

Sebastian smiles for a few seconds, but then he just moves in to kiss Kurt on the mouth and whispers over it, “Sounds so good, babe,” when their lips part.

***

The rest of the night was just as KurtAndSebastian-ish as their days usually are. There was just that little romantic walk along the streets of Paris that made it different, but Kurt wouldn’t say it was a weird change. In fact, he might get used to it. The idea of moving away from New York and to Europe scares him a lot, but it’s also kind of adventurous and if he has to be honest, with the routine that New York City was becoming, he is kind of happy to shake things up a bit.

The sun is shining shyly in the sky, making everything around him glow, the roofs of the houses around their hotel, the clouds glittering just a little more and the Eiffel Tower in the distance reminding Kurt of just where he is. His arms are resting on the railing of the balcony. He knows his hair is messy but it’s barely 8 am and there are really a few people along the streets and no one over the balconies and windows of other buildings. He holds himself tightly in his bathrobe – the first thing he could wear easily considering that he woke up naked – and smells the good scent over it.

And then he looks over the city again; living here with Sebastian sounds a lot dreamier than it did last night. Last night he had so many worries and everything on his mind, but now with this beautiful glow all over the city, it’s just wonderful. He’s always had a thing for the European experience, so what if they push things a little further and come to live here. It can’t be too bad as long as they have each other, right? He is going to miss his friends and family, but he’ll be here with the man that makes him happy. He shouldn’t be worrying too much.

He relaxes his back a little, lets his muscles stretch, and it’s only then that he realizes he’s not alone. His back presses against Sebastian’s torso and Sebastian’s arms quickly wrap around Kurt’s waist. His boyfriend nuzzles at his neck from behind and Kurt closes his eyes for a moment, enjoying the sensation of loving and morning clumsiness and all. 

Sebastian’s nose traces the whole column of Kurt’s neck on the left several times before he moves in to mouth at the skin there and suddenly they’re pressed together more intimately, Kurt’s body trapped between the railing and Sebastian’s. When Sebastian thrusts in again, tongue coming out of his mouth to lick one long stripe to Kurt’s jaw, almost tickling, Kurt realizes that the way he can feel Sebastian’s erection against his ass is way too unrestrained.

“Oh my God,” He whispers incredulously, “you’re naked, oh my god!” He squeaks but tries to keep his voice down at the same time, unable to hold back the little careless laugh that comes out of his mouth.

“So what if I am?” Sebastian asks teasingly, his waist still against Kurt’s and his mouth suckling little spots between Kurt’s jaw and his neck. “Would you mind?”

“Well, I would.” Kurt laughs and pushes his hips back a little, trying not to moan out loud when he can feel the full shape of Sebastian thrusting up to meet the movement. “We’re outside, in the city of love, and you’re naked behind me. I would mind a lot and it’s totally embarrassing.”

“It’s not embarrassing if we don’t get caught.” Sebastian murmurs on his skin, hands traveling under Kurt’s robe and making Kurt stiffen at the sudden warm pressure in his lower belly. 

“Oh god, you’re serious,” Kurt tries to laugh but it dies in his throat when Sebastian’s hand slides easily under the material until he’s palming at Kurt’s half-hard dick, obviously trying to bring it to full attention. 

Kurt tries to push the feeling away because he knows when Sebastian has something on his mind he’s hardly giving up on it. He tries to think of the most awful things, closing his eyes so that he won’t remember where they are and what they’re doing exactly, but Sebastian’s fingers move up along his thighs and surprisingly the little scratch of his short nails is even better; it’s a soft brush of almost and it feels like everything. Therefore, Kurt knows he is desperate, knows there’s no way he’ll manage to shut his body down with Sebastian having such a good control over every reaction.

“No, Sebastian, really, let’s just go back inside.” It sounds kind of anxious and Kurt is aware that it is because even though the rational part of him knows that what they’re doing is ridiculous and stupidly exhibitionist, his up and coming side – the one Sebastian seems to know so well – is showing more interest than it should in case he didn’t want this.

“Why that, sweetheart?” Sebastian groans teasingly, his mouth still nibbling along Kurt’s neck and then biting just a little harder, so that Kurt knows it’s going to leave a mark. “We have everything we could ask for here. No need to go back inside …”

Kurt is basically panting by now, his body all stiff as he tries to ignore his want to just move back and allow Sebastian to do whatever he wants with him. But this is Paris and Kurt really doesn’t want to have such a bad memory of his first time in the city … he can only imagine the horror and the embarrassment if they got caught.

“Except for the lube,” he growls then, hoping the threat in his tone makes it more believable (he guesses it doesn’t though, because Sebastian is chuckling lowly and licking up to his earlobe), “And-ah-and a condom--” Every suck at his ear causes him to forget how one is supposed to speak.

“Like that was ever a problem,” Sebastian purrs in his ear and then his hand is sneaking between Kurt’s thighs once more, “you’re so cute when you try to play the innocent with me. You tend to forget I know you too well, huh, baby?” 

Kurt can feel Sebastian’s lower lip flexing against his ear, his voice sounding low and sly and perfect, so fucking amazing that Kurt can’t help it anymore. His hips jolt back to Sebastian’s and he moans lowly when his covered ass presses against Sebastian’s hardness. Sebastian’s hands hold his waist firmly but only to help them moving in the process, carrying them until Kurt thrusts back and forward, his crotch only accidentally sliding against the railing for how tightly he’s pressed between it and Sebastian’s body.

“If you knew me, you’d know I really don’t want us to get caught,” He tries to insist anyway, making Sebastian laugh in his ear as he moves down to kiss Kurt’s neck again.

“We won’t, babe.”

His voice is just so low and perfect that it makes Kurt want to do all the dirty stuff that is probably going on in Sebastian’s head. His eyes go shut for a moment and that’s enough for him to lose it. He groans and moves back, his cheeks turning pink as his body feels warm and shaky and wanting. Sebastian chuckles just for a moment.

“Yeah, let go, baby, it’s okay.” He murmurs and then bites Kurt’s earlobe. “I know you want me to fuck you here and now.”

Kurt pushes back again, his head resting on Sebastian’s shoulder while Sebastian wraps his hand around his erection and jerks him off for a moment. 

“Let me hear you say it, Kurt,” Sebastian kisses along his spine, their bodies sliding together sinfully and gorgeously, “What do you want me to do?”

“I want you to stop,” Kurt lies and tries to hold his body from shamelessly rubbing against Sebastian and then thrusting into the channel of his fist, “This is so embarrassing.”

And so exciting, his mind suggests but Kurt pushes it away and tries to focus; which is not easy when Sebastian is holding him so firmly in his hand.

“So embarrassing,” Sebastian whispers ironically and Kurt moans again, but it sounds more like a cry. “Yeah, Kurt, isn’t this what you want? Me fucking you out here so that the whole city can hear you cry out my name? Don’t you want me to bend you over the railing and fuck you like you were born to take it?”

“Sebastian,” Kurt closes his eyes and tries to use all the strength he has to hold back.

But he can’t. He’s so turned on and so willing to let Sebastian do whatever he wants with him by now.

“I’m here.” Sebastian whispers and tugs Kurt’s robe down a little so that his left shoulder is exposed to the shy rays of sun that barely light up Paris at this time of the morning.

He starts kissing along Kurt’s skin, between his shoulder and his neck, sucking on that little spot that drives Kurt crazy. Kurt moves back, his body completely leant against Sebastian’s now and his boyfriend isn’t touching him anymore. His hands are on Kurt’s waist and they keep moving his body like it’s some sort of erotic dance. Kurt lets himself be a little carried from the perfect feeling of Sebastian’s thin mouth on his alabaster skin.

When Sebastian moves up to lick along his jaw and catches Kurt’s earlobe in his mouth again, Kurt can’t hold the quiet “Please,” that comes out of his mouth.

He can practically feel Sebastian’s grin on his cheek as Sebastian proceeds to tug at the belt of Kurt’s robe.

“Oh my God, you’re crazy,” Kurt groans when the robe is loose along his body, Sebastian’s fingers way too smooth at untying the knot around his waist.

“That’s why you love me,” Sebastian purrs smugly and Kurt can’t hold a laugh.

“That’s why I love you,” He just confirms while Sebastian lifts the clothing over his back until Kurt’s ass is exposed to his eyes. 

He thumbs along Kurt’s cheeks, spreading them until Kurt can feel himself being completely bare where Sebastian needs him to be. When his boyfriend moves his left hand to Kurt’s mouth, he doesn’t even complain before he’s wetting it with his tongue, every kind of shame he had been feeling before washed off by pure excitement at the idea of doing something so illicit on the balcony of their hotel room. He’s practically buzzing with electricity, but knowing that Kurt is into dirty talking, it looks like Sebastian wants to make sure he’s got his permission to do this.

“Yeah, babe, wet those fingers for me so that I can spread you until you’re open and ready to take me,” He growls lowly. “You look so good with your mouth full, I might change my mind and make you suck me off until I come down your throat …”

Kurt groans around Sebastian’s long fingers and closes his eyes, already knowing too well that Sebastian won’t come down to a blowjob. He really doesn’t need to worry about it. So he just sucks and licks and wets Sebastian’s skin obediently, his eyes closed and his hips jerking back to where Sebastian’s other hand is stroking his ass cheek and teasingly brushing over his hole. Kurt knows he doesn’t even need too much preparation: this is just Sebastian enjoying torturing him and making him wait.

“If someone sees you, they’ll just know how fucking good you look when you take cock,” He hooks his fingers inside Kurt’s mouth and then moves them back away, laughing quietly at the way Kurt chases after them on a instinct, “patience, baby.”

Kurt groans in frustration, using the pressure of his hands to bend a little and present his ass shamelessly to Sebastian. It’s convincing enough for his boyfriend to push two fingers inside and thrust quickly because, hey, Kurt doesn’t need preparation, so he welcomes him way too easily.

“Sebastian,” He groans, and sounds a little scolding through his desperation, which makes Sebastian laugh of course.

“What?” He utters innocently and Kurt fucks back onto his fingers as hard as he can, his eyes wetting for the way his body is asking for moremoremore.

“Please,” he lets go to that urge and finally gives up on any pretense of winning this.

“Please what?” Sebastian fucks him with his fingers slowly and teasing now, nothing like the hard thrusts he was giving before.

“Fuck me, please,” Kurt pleas and he’s pretty sure he’s being way too loud for where they are. He looks around awkwardly, panting at the eventuality of someone catching them. Thank God there’s no one in sight and the people down the street probably didn’t hear.

Kurt hates the little shiver that runs along his spine immediately after the moment of panic.

“Yeah, babe, be loud for me,” Sebastian comments smugly and Kurt rolls his eyes annoyed, but he doesn’t reply, especially because Sebastian is moving his fingers away and that’s all Kurt wants honestly.

When Sebastian presses the blunt head of his dick against Kurt’s hole, the roll of Kurt’s eyes isn’t about annoyance this time. As his boyfriend slowly pushes in, Kurt feels his whole body go tight and stiff and ready to be full. The feeling of having Sebastian inside is pure bliss and Kurt just rolls his hips a little lazily, moving back and holding the railing tightly between his fingers.

“Fuck, you feel so good,” Sebastian groans, his fingers holding Kurt’s hips but not keeping them from moving.

His mouth runs along Kurt’s neck again and he licks and sucks Kurt’s skin fast and hard, probably making sure he leaves the marks, like all the time. For a few minutes they just work like this, slow and sensual, and Kurt almost forgets where they are. He remembers when Sebastian starts tugging the robe down, uncovering Kurt’s shoulder even more until he manages to make it slide clumsily along his back.

“You’re unbelievable,” Kurt bends forward, his forehead resting on the arms lying on the railing, as Sebastian fights to pull the material off until Kurt is completely naked and the robe ends up on the floor, “I can’t believe we’re doing this.”

He tilts his head just a little to look between his legs upside down and yes, he’s naked on a balcony of his hotel room in Paris and Sebastian is now holding his hips together more firmly to thrust inside him and fuck him hard, making Kurt tighten his fingers almost painfully on the railing, until his nails are scratching the green varnish off of it.

He’s not sure what sounds his mouth is making anymore, but as he looks back towards the out world, he can see the streets starting to get crowded underneath them and fuck, he’s letting Sebastian take him out here, not in the private walls of their bedroom, their hotel room or Kurt’s office even. They’re having sex under the warm sky of Paris in the morning and with anyone’s eyes hypothetically on them. It feels so much more intense than he had thought and any kind of embarrassment has been washed off, especially when Sebastian grabs his hair and pulls his back just a little so that he can find a better angle and suddenly he’s hitting that spot inside Kurt that makes his head spin and his heartbeat fasten up.

He starts panting more desperately and his wet eyes and red cheeks are just from how close he is and how shameless he feels when Sebastian tugs at his hips, moving them back to follow his hard thrusts and making Kurt’s dick bob between his legs.

“You love it, baby, don’t you?” Sebastian teases, but lets his hand sneak between Kurt’s thighs anyway, jerking him off quickly as he throbs inside Kurt. “Love getting fucked in front of the whole city, love letting people them know how loud you are for me …”

“Please,” Kurt begs, sighing in relief when Sebastian wraps his hand around him and starts jerking him off again. Kurt can feel it from the way he’s pounding into him that he’s close.

“Please what?” Sebastian groans and Kurt gets more desperate at every move of his hand as he tries to fuck himself onto Sebastian’s dick and into the channel of his fist. 

“Please, I need to let go,” He growls lowly and Sebastian must take pity on him because he fucks him harder and moves his hand faster.

And then Kurt is surprised when Sebastian seems to lose the control over his thrusts and comes into Kurt, biting his shoulder hard as he keeps on touching Kurt like he can feel his desperation. Sebastian is still inside him and Kurt feels so full and amazing. When Sebastian moves his mouth to suck on the mark he left with his teeth, Kurt’s leg shake and he moves back from the railing abruptly; he covers Sebastian’s hand with his own as he comes over their fingers wrapped together.

He lets his body collapse against Sebastian, who easily slips out of him and wraps his arms around Kurt’s waist, kissing softly on the marks he left on Kurt’s shoulder.

They still have their hands around Kurt’s length when Kurt starts shaking with laughter. Sebastian joins almost immediately, his chest shaking against Kurt’s back and almost tickling for how sweated they are.

“Oh my God,” Kurt squeaks and he feels light and awesome and perfect, “We basically can’t move because our hands are dirty, but it’s starting to feel unpleasant and it’s going to be a mess.”

“But you’re naked in front of a whole city,” Sebastian teases and kisses his neck more gently, “do you want to stay like this all day?”

“It doesn’t feel that bad now,” Kurt holds himself against him a little more firmly, closing his eyes and enjoying Sebastian’s hold, “Well, except for our hands.”

“Yours didn’t need to join,” Sebastian traces a long line of butterfly kisses along his skin, their breaths slowly and gradually becoming regular again, “My hand was doing a perfect job all by itself.”

“You were about to make me come off the balcony, how gross is that?” Kurt moves his hand away just a little, but it feels way too sticky, “What if someone walked by?”

Sebastian laughs and he’s the one to move his hand away and then shift from Kurt’s body. “That would have been hilarious.” He whispers and then tugs Kurt’s hip so that he follows him around.

Kurt finally lets go on any pretense and drops his hand. When he reaches for his bathrobe on the floor, he notices that Sebastian already carried it inside with him. He smiles a little to himself because, in his wicked kind of way, Sebastian is an attentive lover.

When he gets in again, Sebastian is sitting on the bed with a little box of tissues, doing some cleaning on his skin. Kurt moves in and grabs his chin between his fingers, forcing him to look up and meet his gaze. Sebastian’s eyes are still a little darker and blown in the afterglow like all that the time, and Kurt is so into that, so attracted to Sebastian’s face after sex. He looks even more beautiful and attractive than usual and that totally gets to him.

“We could have a shower,” He suggests and Sebastian immediately lifts his eyebrows and smirks.

“Give me a break, babe,” He teases, his eyes shining just a little more, “I know I’m younger than you, but I need a moment before I can go again.”

Kurt pulls his hand away from his chin to slap his cheek playfully.

“You’re such an idiot, I swear,” He murmurs and then leans in to kiss Sebastian’s forehead. “I just wanted to have a shower with you.”

Sebastian purrs like a cat and Kurt’s not really surprised. His boyfriend can be such a cuddlewhore after sex, especially in the morning. He presses his face against the palm of Kurt’s hand while Kurt is trying to push it away and before he knows it, Sebastian has strong arms wrapped around his waist and he’s tugging him down and onto the bed.

Kurt collapses on his body and he can’t help but laugh when Sebastian’s arms move up to hold his shoulder. He places a soft kiss to Sebastian’s collarbone and Sebastian groans happily. 

“How cute,” He teases and Sebastian stiffens a little.

“Shut up,” He growls but doesn’t sound dangerous at all.

“I love it when you want me to cuddle you,” Kurt jokes again and Sebastian flips them over, quickly hovering Kurt and looking into his eyes. They’re probably meant to look threatening but don’t seem like it at all.

“I don’t do cuddling.” He says, but there’s a cute red patch along his cheekbones that only makes him look prettier and Kurt can’t help but laugh, his chest feeling light and happy and relieved that they’re back to what’s ordinary for them.

“You don’t, honey,” He moves up to kiss Sebastian’s jaw, making their gloriously naked bodies accidentally slide together just a little, and enjoying the way Sebastian tries to get more contact, “you really hate cuddling. You’re … way … too … cool for cuddling …” Kurt utters the words between kisses, his tongue darting out to collect the sweat along Sebastian’s perfectly shaved chest (before Sebastian, Kurt would have found it gross).

“That’s right,” Sebastian arches his back in the awkward position, trying to get Kurt to work on his skin better, “You do know me, babe.”

Kurt laughs and moves back, falling with his back flat on the mattress again and looking into his eyes, “I know you need a shower. We both do. That’s for sure.”

Sebastian laughs but he’s already moving back, which Kurt is thankful for, because if they’re going back to sleep, he won’t do it in such a dirty sweaty mess. Sometimes, he’s really glad that Sebastian learned how to behave like a decent human being.

***

The rest of their holiday is so much better. Now that they’ve come to a decision and there aren’t any hidden confessions of feelings between them, it’s like Kurt can breathe again. And he’s so thankful for that because he’s not used to be tensed around Sebastian anymore. They spend their days between visits to Marie and trips around the city (not to mention nights of passionate sex in their hotel room, and thank God, inside the room). They don’t tell Marie about their decision and that’s the reason why she looks still a little sad sometimes, like she’s afraid they might break up.

The reason why they don’t tell her is because Kurt has made it clear to Sebastian that he needs some time. He doesn’t want to feel pressure and anxiety, he just needs to recollect his things, pack up and find a solution for his job. Sebastian tells him so insistently that his mom is uber rich so they’ll have time to find a new job, but Kurt is firm on his position: he is going to find a job in Paris before they even go back there. For most of the time, Sebastian is so thankful he could cry. 

Kurt knows why.

He was so afraid of losing Sebastian during the first days of their holiday and if Sebastian’s pain was even half as unbearable as the one he felt, Kurt knows why his eyes look like that. So while they go to the airport, he strokes Sebastian all the time, looks for intimacy, kisses the back of his fingers because it seems so much more real now that they’re going back to New York. They’re going to go through a lot because you don’t just move to another country with no complications at all, but Kurt wants to do it, wants to be with Sebastian still, wants to belong to him and hopes that someday Sebastian will put a ring on it. That’s why he can’t just take a different road. They’ll always be driving together.

They’re already on the airplane and flying over Paris when Sebastian leans over Kurt’s seat to murmur in his ear, “Thanks for loving me.”

Kurt startles a little at how sudden it is, but when he turns and looks at Sebastian’s face, he knows Sebastian has thought about saying that for a bit longer. His eyes are just a little wet and shining and Kurt can’t help but tilt his lips into a smile.

“I’ll have to admit it’s such a burden,” He jokes and Sebastian frowns, but he’s laughing already.

“You’re so fucking good at ruining my romantic moments,” He complains, licking his lower lip and chuckling quietly.

“That’s how much I love you,” Kurt hums and then he looks out of the window to the city they’re only temporarily leaving behind.

“Adieu Paris,” Sebastian sighs.

Kurt turns to him again and they share one of those very intense gazes they’re so used to. He moves in again and takes Sebastian’s hand into his own, his eyes never leaving his boyfriend’s as he says, “Just for now.”

Sebastian smiles more brightly at the words, “Just for now.”

The moment is sweet and lovely and perfect until Kurt frowns and says, “Stop smiling. You’re blinding me with your giant horse teeth.”

“What an ass!” Sebastian laughs, but he gets lost for a moment and Kurt doesn’t understand why until he speaks again. “You still do that thing with your hand.”

“What thing?” Kurt frowns confusedly.

“Giant. Horse Teeth.” He phrases and moves his free hand in a little circle. “You do that everytime you say it. You did it the first time you said it too.”

Kurt’s cheeks flush immediately and he chuckles embarrassed at the fact that Sebastian actually remembers such a detail. He looks away from him and to the seats in front of them.

“So you were always quite the stalker when it came to me,” He utters more shyly than he’s ever been around Sebastian since they met.

“Your stereotypical gay gestures are just way too ridiculous to be forgotten, babe,” Sebastian jokes and Kurt turns to him again.

He so wants to kiss him but he doesn’t. There are so many people around them and even though Kurt doesn’t care about their opinion, he’s tired and relaxed, and doesn’t want to risk making some homophobe angry. So he just kisses the back of Sebastian’s hand quickly, but apparently that’s enough to have Sebastian sprawling into the seat and relaxing happily. When he falls asleep, Kurt is still holding his hand and running soothing circles on the back of it (Sebastian is never going to admit how much he loves falling asleep to that).

When Kurt turns to Sebastian again a few minutes later, Sebastian might be awkwardly sprawled with his long legs looking weird in such a tiny space, his arms falling clumsily to the sides and his mouth half-open and a little drooling, but Kurt has never been so sure about wanting to spend the rest of his life with him. It might be in New York, it might be in Paris, or even in Narnia for what he cares. 

His home is not just a place, it’s wherever Sebastian is.


End file.
